C S Sinclair
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Alive Again - A 'Resident Evil' story about Jill and Ada.Okay. So this is basically going to be me posting up a story that I am currently writing based around (amongst other things) a romance between the 'Resident Evil' characters Jill Valentine and Ada Wong.
1) A few things first. I am hopeless at manipulating computers, so the text is going to be cut and pasted straight into this thread. Just thinking about links and PDF files... I feel faint already.
2) It was written to conform to a pretty awkward program on another site, which kept crushing paragraphs together and what have you. The form it exists in now is one which that sire would accept and is easy enough to read (I think anyway!)
3) This may not the place for this, but the forum explanation seemed to imply it was, and this site is about lesbians, gaming, lesbians in gaming, etc. So...
And with that out of the way, I present (in the next post) 'Alive Again' (I know, I know, what an original title... )
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C S Sinclair
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Alive again.
By C S Sinclair.
Chapter One.
“Put whatever you’re holding down; hold your arms out to your sides, then stand up and turn around... slowly.”
Sighing deeply, she realized that there was no alternative. She tossed the jeans back into the bottom of the closet, and pushed her arms out wide. Hearing nothing further, she raised herself up from her crouching position and turned slowly about as instructed.
Jill was sitting up in the far corner of the bed. The lamps were still off, so she couldn't see her face, but she could feel the expression of betrayal that Jill doubtlessly had on her face right now. Certainly not for the first time, she felt that icy twist that came with the knowledge that she'd done something truly terrible. But unlike other times, this time she really cared about that. She'd hurt Jill by this, she could tell. It felt... horrible.
Jill must have been faking her slumber, she decided, as she seemed wide awake from her posture. She shook her head, amazed that she hadn’t caught it. For someone who was usually so expressive, that had been pretty sly of her Jill. Her Jill - that was getting ahead of herself.
“What’s so funny?”
She looked over the window. Blurred by the heavy rain from outside, her reflection smirked back. It was a smile of self mocking, of triumph that she had been beaten at her own game; of incredulity that Jill would be at all swayed by her, now that she had unmasked her wretchedness...
“It doesn’t matter what you think” she thought to her reflection. “My girl loves me – she just doesn’t really know it yet.”
She looked back, scanning the darkened room for inspiration. Her eyes rolled over the bland furnishings... the typical hotel rubbish. Her gaze kept falling back on Jill, so angry hurt... and magnificent, her hair flaming in scorned fury.
“I was just… it’s because you’re holding the sheets up to cover yourself is all.”
She fixed Jill with a stare, trying to make out her expression at that statement, before continuing softly:
“But I’ve seen you - I know you. Why are you covering up from me now?”
Jill leant forward with a look of pure disgust. Her heart sank - she hadn’t meant it that way. She tried to explain but Jill cut her off:
“So... what then? I leap out of bed naked and cuff you? Might as well, seeing as how you’ve already had a good look, hmm? Maybe I really don’t think that much of myself; maybe you’ll even get to go again first? ”
She started in protest at this, but at a gesture from the gun, raised her hands again in frustration: “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”
“I do, do I?”
“Yes, you don’t need or want to cover up from me. You wish I’d never moved or that you’d just gone to sleep; anything so we’d still be lying there. Deny it if you can, go on!”
Her defiant response seemed to take Jill by surprise. She seemed lost for words. She was quite surprised at the passion in her voice herself - she'd known she meant it, but now it was really sinking in. It was really happening; she really meant it! Recovering herself mentally, she decided to press her advantage, before it vanished.
“This isn’t what you think it is, Jill.”
Jill sat up, alert again and with both hands on the gun now.
“How do you know my real name? I never told you my name was Jill, and there's no ID with that name in this room.”
Jill had seemed unsure of that last point for a second. What... Ohh… she nodded in mild surprise.
“So this is your ‘safe room’ huh? I wondered where that gun had come from – you didn’t have it earlier. I notice those sorts of things. Hotel manager set this up for you?”
“What difference does that make?”
She looked at Jill, with a grin threatening to spread over her face. Okay - she’d play...
“That gun is police issue, and I’m betting the manager gives you this space because he’s thinks you’re still a cop too.”
“Your point being?”
She dropped her arms a bit, and got a fresh threat for her trouble.
“Stop doing that!” Jill snapped. She imagined and certainly hoped that Jill was more scared of having to fire, than anything she might try though.
“I’m getting tired. I can’t keep holding my arms out all night – what’s left of it anyway. You took most of my energy...”
“Oh, please…”
Jill looked thoroughly disgusted, but after pondering for a few seconds, motioned for her to drop her arms to her sides. She did so, in as casual a fashion as she could. Her heart rate had slowed, but this was still a tricky situation, and she didn’t want to hurt Jill – she couldn’t.
“So who are you, what do you want and why didn’t you just break into my house or something?” Jill asked, watching her closely still.
“Can I sit down, please?”
It was risky to show such impudence, but she thought she could probably get away with it.
“End of the bed… slowly.”
She sat down lightly on the same side as Jill, showing her that she had nothing concealed. She impishly considered showing a little skin, but decided it would probably only annoy Jill at this point. Besides, there was time for that later. She grinned inwardly - she couldn't help but feel happy around her girl. It pleased her to annoy her slightly, just as she knew it pleased Jill to be bewildered at her. She didn't know how she knew this... it just seemed right. It all did.
“Well, first of all, I didn’t think you’d leave important documents at home. I figured you must have some safe room or stash somewhere. I thought I’d have to work a bit harder than this to find it though…”
Jill sat back with a tired look. She was still keeping her eyes on her, though.
“Stop messing me about, lady. Who are you and what do you want?”
She turned and lifted a knee onto the bed, careful not to reveal herself. If she was careful not to be too flirty, Jill would have no ammunition to chastise her, though she was longing to do so, she could feel.
“I guess you wouldn’t believe it, if I said I got what I came for” she smiled, looking with genuine and deep affection at Jill.
As expected though, Jill took it rather badly…
“You think this is funny, you bitch? What kind of game is this to you? You trick me; you use me and all to…”
“You used me too, Jill!” she interrupted hotly. “You wouldn’t have brought me somewhere so secure if you didn’t suspect something. You didn’t need to make love to me…”
“It was just sex, lady. I don't know what you thought...”
“Don’t give me that! You knew this wasn’t just some random pick-up. You knew I might be armed, that I might try to kill you at any moment, with or without a weapon. You let it go on because you wanted to. You felt safe - it wasn’t just sex, Jill!”
Jill’s mouth dropped open and she looked momentarily bewildered. Then her look of angry determination returned. She reached with her free hand into a drawer and took out a pair of handcuffs. She threw them over.
“I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing" she repeated. "But I want your name, your purpose - your real purpose - and I want you to cuff yourself to that bed post.”
She looked down at the cuffs, then back at Jill. How should she play this? She picked up the cuffs, examined them and threw them back on the bed.
“No.”
Jill frowned in surprise. She made a threatening gesture and made to voice it, but she decided it was time to force a confrontation. ‘Don’t do anything stupid, baby’ she thought to herself.
“Enough, Jill, enough okay?!” she shouted.
Jill seemed forced back against the headboard in surprise this time.
“I’m not putting them on, and you’re not going to shoot me. So… no you’re not!” she exclaimed angrily as Jill moved to object. “You’re not going to shoot and you’re not going to call the police.”
“And… why is this again?” Jill asked with what she would swear was exasperated amusement – that was a good sign.
“Because we both know that they won’t do anything to someone like me. Someone will show up and I’ll be out before the morning, regardless of what you say. We aren’t people to whom those kinds of rules apply, Jill. You know that.”
Jill’s head dropped slightly; she seemed lost in thought over something. It was time to drop the bombshell.
“My name’s Ada Wong.” (Jill snapped up, wide awake again). “I see you’ve heard of me.”
Jill reached over for the telephone, and started keying in buttons. Not so good.
“I really enjoyed tonight” she blurted out. It was funny how in a tight situation, only the truth ever seemed to really work.
Jill stopped and looked over at her with a truly confused and angry expression: “Why are you… what are you playing at?!”
Truth…
“I was initially sent to look for information on Chris Redfield, and you are a close associate of him. I was to find anything new and give it to my employer…”
Sort of true anyway…
“So essentially…” Jill had laid the phone down as she spoke, “You came here to seduce me…”
“At which I succeeded.”
“…to get me to take you to my safe house…” she continued stubbornly.
“Which makes it two for Ada Wong” she interrupted again.
“…And all this just to look for information about Chris?!”
“That’s three for three, though. Not bad for a night’s work if I say so myself. But you forgot one...”
Jill snorted in disgust. It was more like disgusted amusement though, Ada thought in satisfaction. And it looked awfully sweet, whatever it was. She wished she had a camera…
“Don’t tell me. It’s where the lonely assassin connects with the poor, tortured ex-STAR. One look in her eyes and she was a new woman. Am I right?”
Ada smiled, and was pleased to see Jill return it before she could control herself.
"Got it in one.”
She stood up, and Jill started in surprise, sitting up and letting the covers fall away. Ada looked away in respect, as Jill scrambled to cover herself again. She couldn’t help smiling. This had become really rather sweet. She really should have brought a camera.
“Where… where are you going? Sit down!”
“No. I’m going to leave now, Jill.”
She walked over, heart pounding in her ears, to the table where she’d thrown her clothes off and started to get dressed. The other woman just sat in stunned silence behind her. Looking back as she slipped on her dress, she could see Jill wasn’t even looking at her anymore. She was sitting, head drooping, gun loosely hanging in her hand. As Ada watched, she sat back and looked over at her. She looked utterly confused.
Ada paced over, ignoring the weak attempt to threaten her, and knelt down next to her. She reached out a hand. Jill tried to swat it away, but Ada pushed insistently until she reached Jill’s cheek, where she stroked it tenderly.
“I had a wonderful time this evening, Jill. I know you have no reason to believe me, but it’s the truth, and I think you know it.”
Jill didn’t say anything. But she did rub her cheek gently against Ada’s hand.
“I don’t understand… why did you do this? What can you possibly gain by it? If Wesker thinks…”
Ada shook her head and grabbed Jill more firmly: “This has absolutely nothing to do with him, nothing! I don’t work for him anymore. This is about you and me, okay?”
Jill looked skeptical, and tried to look away, lost in misery. Ada refused to let her break eye contact with her.
“Look at me, Jill. I know what it’s like, this life. I need someone to share it with. I want you - that’s what all this is about. We don’t have the luxury of big courtships – I know it feels right with you, and that’s good enough for me. I feel warm inside around you, part of this world again. If you think I’m going to let you slip away after that, you’re very wrong, young lady!”
Jill pulled back, and slid away.
“Oh... come on! Why am I even listening to this? We just agreed it would be such a bad cliché, and anyway you said yourself not two minutes ago, that you came here for stuff on Chris…”
Ada followed her, moving on her knees across the bed, sitting down next to her. Jill looked at her with such a lost look.
“Don’t… please don’t do something like this to me. I don’t have anything on him, and I couldn’t give it to you even I had. I swear I don’t have anything.”
“I don’t care” Ada whispered, stroking her hand along Jill’s arm.
“Yes you do!” sobbed Jill defiantly. “That’s what you wanted and I’m telling you I don’t have it! So please, please don’t do this to me…”
Her voice tailed off, and she whimpered in pleasure as Ada continued to stroke her arm tenderly and lovingly.
“I got part of what I want, like I already told you, Jill. I just need her to agree to see me again…”
She stroked Jill’s hair and leaned in to kiss her. She tried to move, but Ada caught her on the forehead.
“He… He’s my friend, Ada. I don’t know why you’d think I could tell you. I can’t just let you and Wesker kill him. If that the kind of person you think I am... I won’t…”
“Shh, no-one’s asking you to, you silly girl!” she soothed, taking Jill’s hands. Slowly she worked the gun free and tossed it aside. Then she rubbed some warmth into Jill’s fingers.
“I know you don’t understand, but even if I found out, I would never give anyone that information anyway. Not now.”
Jill looked up questioningly, wiping her face with her hand. She seemed angry with herself for showing all this emotion. Ada wasn’t far from tears herself, but she was fighting mightily against them. She wanted to break down, but she had control of the situation and she needed to keep it.
“Why not?”
“Because he’s your friend, Jill. And I could never do something that would hurt you... you know it's true, don't you?”
Jill tried to sit up straight, wiping her tears away again. She waved Ada away, but she stubbornly circled round her, embracing her from behind.
“But… but that’s ridiculous! We only just met! As if…”
Ada peered round to look at Jill, mere inches separating their faces. She stared deeply into her eyes, and smoothed her hands over and along Jill’s arms.
“Would you do something to hurt me?” she asked softly.
Jill opened her mouth and Ada could feel her pull back from a kiss she had plainly thought of giving. She was straining to resist doing so herself. You could hear the rain thundering against the window, the hum of the radiator, their soft breathing…
“Well, would you?”
She sat watching her, lifting her face up when she tried to look away.
“Answer me Jill, would you do something to hurt me?”
A fresh tear rolled down Jill’s cheek. She shook her head in incredulous horror and fascination.
“Say it Jill, say it for me, please.”
“No… no, I wouldn’t hurt you.”
She looked as if she couldn’t believe it, but Ada had never doubted it. She’d known all this time, known it inside. From that first time months ago, all the watching and waiting… ‘You were always the one, Jill’ she thought to herself.
“Then you know I could never give that information to anyone.”
“But then, why do you need it?”
“Ask me next time. I’ll tell you then.”
She leaned around and kissed Jill deeply, pushing her passion and all her pain into her lover. 'It’s all for you', she screamed silently. 'Everything I am is for you now'. Jill had relaxed totally in her arms, beaten and bewildered into submission. She allowed Ada to wrap about her, to love her and adore her.
And then she was standing, having forced herself to jolt upwards and away, before she could never move from that spot again. She tottered unsteadily, and was caught by Jill who had raced after her.
“What’s wrong?”
Ada laughed with such wild, relieved joy to see Jill’s concern and collapsed into a hug around her neck, leaning her forehead against Jill's.
“Nothing. But I have to go… oh, I know!” (Jill had protested loudly). “I already left my number on the stand, see? I wasn’t just going to leave you.”
She ruffled Jill’s hair and kissed her on the head. Then sadly, she forced herself up again and made to leave.
“This makes no sense, Ada. The only way I can make sense of it, is if you're playing me and this is some sort of trick” Jill called after her.
Ada stopped in the doorway: “If it was anyone else, they’d be right. But you know you’re wrong, don’t you?”
Jill was lying on her back, staring at the ceiling. She nodded. Ada smiled, but knew she had to go now or she never would. She couldn't leave without being sure her girl knew how she felt though.
“I really wasn’t going to give that information to anyone. It’s just… complicated. I needed the original so I could make…”
“It’s okay” stated Jill matter-of-factly, without looking up. “You can tell me next time, right?”
Ada felt a fresh urge to sweep her up in her arms.
“I promise!"
She made to leave, but not before added over her shoulder: I'm... I don’t deserve you Jill… But I’m not letting you go, Miss Valentine - I hope you realise that!”
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C S Sinclair
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Alive Again.
By C S Sinclair.
Chapter Two.
“Okay, this is as far as you go, Miss.”
Jill blinked, taking in her surroundings. She stared around in confusion, taking in the cab like she had never seen anything like it before. She noticed that the cabbie was frowning with concern at her – he probably thought she was high or drunk (and to be fair, she had had more than a few earlier in the evening…)
“Miss? You have to get out now. This is as far as I can take you, remember?”
She’d been drifting again, lost in the evening’s bizarre events. She felt cold, missing the warmth of her room, her bed, her Ada…
Snorting bitterly to herself, she shook her head trying to clear it of the headache that had set in. Nodding absently mindedly at the cabbie, she moved to open the door.
“Are you sure you’re alright, Miss? I don’t feel right leaving you out here at this hour; this isn’t a safe neighborhood. You got a phone; maybe you could call someone to come get you? I could hang around until they get here…”
She looked back with some surprise. Genuine concern from a stranger; how many times did you see that in a day? She thought of the number in her pocket… ‘Call me’, she’d said.
“No, there’s no-one. But thank you anyway; I only live a few blocks from here.”
He smiled with a bracing ‘chin up’ look on his face, as she pulled herself out of the cab.
“Well, okay then. But you watch yourself; the people round here go plain crazy at this hour some times. Sorry I can’t take you the whole way, but… it’s the regs you know? They’d have my job if they knew I was letting people off easy with the fare and…”
Jill closed the door politely but firmly, leaning against the cab. She forced a smile, eager for him to go now, so she could think. He kind of reminded her of Carlos in a way. Kind people were so unusual to find; she just wasn’t sure how to act around them anymore…
“Please don’t worry about it. I can handle myself… I’m a survivor.”
The taxi pulled off, and Jill looked about. A busted street light overhead flickered on and off at intervals. The buildings around were all in darkness, the only sounds were the buzzing of the light and the slow dripping of the raindrops. At least it had actually stopped raining now. She collapsed down to sit on a low wall outside one of the houses, ignoring the wet stone. She’d endured worse… much worse.
What a… strange night, she thought to herself. And given that this was her life she was talking about, that was really saying something. She pulled out the card with Ada’s number on it. It was unnecessary as she’d already memorized it, like she was terrified someone was going to come and take it away from her.
“What the hell are you playing at?” she mused quietly, although she wasn’t entirely sure whether she was addressing Ada or herself.
It was like a dream, the kind of ‘love at first sight’ nonsense you read about in those… those novels with the… the names; ah, she couldn’t remember. Those romance ones, anyway. She smoothed her fingers over the card, turning it over and over. A dream in a world of nightmares… you probably could write a book about it. ‘I hope it has a happy ending’, she laughed to herself.
Her left hand had been absently stroking her right arm. She looked down at it, clad in her leather jacket. Ada’s touch returned to her, gentle and slow. ‘You felt safe’, she’d said. And it had been true, Jill couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so peaceful. Ada had been so… familiar, someone she could finally be herself with. She rocked slowly, thinking of it.
Ada had been so confrontational one moment and consoling the next; the sex had been the same. Expressing that hurt, making the other see and feel the lonely pain… to discover that someone really understood and cared, when you hadn’t thought it possible. When you felt you were the only person on earth who truly knew, and everyone else was just… there.
That’s how it had all started, she reflected, looking up at the silent monorail in the distance. Her car was in the shop… again. She kicked the ground angrily at how trivial life could be. So she’d had to take the train to work today. She hated the train, so many people shouting and screaming. And the more people you had, the more likely it was to happen. Someone would move in a certain way, say something a certain way… and you were right back there again.
Her hands were clenching tighter at the memory. She was gripping Ada’s card like a talisman, as if wishing could bring her here. Her left hand was digging into her jeans at the knee. The lights had been flashing past the window, as the train thundered through the city carrying her home. She’d been trying to concentrate on nothing… not the lights, the city, the darkness, the people, and certainly not the vacant, soulless being staring at back at her out of the glass…
“They’re coming… they’re coming!”
Mikhail… she always heard his voice on the trains. Everywhere you went; there was always something that set it off, someone whose face or voice you just couldn’t get rid of. She gripped the card even tighter.
“Ma’am? Is everything okay, Ma’am?”
She looked up in a daze. Light blazed in her eyes; the flickering pale light of the streetlamp mixing now with a swirling blue. A man and a woman - patrol cops from their uniforms - were peering down at her. She hadn’t even heard them arrive; she’d been busy with her girl. Why couldn’t they just leave them alone?
“Ma’am? Are you okay? Did someone do something? Are you hurt? Jackie, will you turn that damn siren off, please?!”
Jill looked over, as the woman jogged back to the patrol car, leaned in and switched it off. As she walked back, Jill could tell she wasn’t happy to be here either. She probably thought Jill was a crackhead or a hooker or something. People couldn’t hide their feelings from her anymore really: she’d seen so many faces, free of all deceit and malice. She knew the face of honesty, the face of savagery. And she knew the face of a betrayer… Ada had both.
“You need to move along, Ma’am. There’s no loitering here, and some of the gangs have been at it round here tonight. You should go home.”
She wore a face of concern, but Jill knew she didn’t give a damn. Jill smiled inwardly – she’d kill to only have a face like that. To only be someone who didn’t care anymore because of what they’d seen. But she was so far beyond that… the face in her mirror would turn lady cop here into a nervous wreck. She noted that they had walked a bit away from her.
“What’s your problem, Jacks? I’m trying to help this girl.”
“Help yourself to her, more like. What am I supposed to do; wait outside as you bang her in the back seat?”
“Will you give it a rest? It’s called ‘Protecting and Serving’ Jacks, you remember that at all? What if she gets attacked out here, you think the local residents are going to come to her rescue? I just want to make sure she’s safe, that’s all!”
‘Protect and Serve’… a cop’s duty. Jill remembered her last time in a police station. She’d put a bullet through the eye of a cop that looked just like this guy. He’d been a good guy too: friendly and devoted to his job, a family man. And he’d stripped the flesh clean from one of the female desk clerks, before trying to tear out Jill’s throat with his teeth. She couldn’t even remember his name, and she’d seen him every day for years. She couldn’t remember most of their names now. You had to block these things out… so they said anyway.
“Somebody help! This man’s been attacked. Please, somebody!”
The train had pulled into one of the stops, and everyone had heard the calls. A man was calling for help, bent over the body of a young man on the platform. Jill had followed someone’s pointing finger to see a group of shadows (gang members most likely) fleeing in the distance.
“Somebody help me! He’s bleeding to death, for God’s sake! Will one of you help?!”
‘Protect and Serve’, once a cop, always a cop… Jill had leapt out onto the platform and ran over… but then it had happened again. A body laid out on the floor, blood running slowly away, a figure hunched over it… tearing the shirt off… a wet, crunching sound. He was turning… he was…
She’d ran, the screams echoing in her ears. She’d felt it all again: the terror that never truly went away, that need to get away, to be safe. That’s why the gun stayed in the safe room now. Because if anyone got in her way during those moments… it was all about survival.
She’d found a bar… any bar, and started drinking. Something to dull the pain, calm the nerves. And then… she had been there. She didn’t even remember her sitting down, just that before she knew it, she wasn’t alone anymore. They’d talked and laughed… Jill smiled to think of it, rubbing her fingers slowly and lovingly over the card. And she’d known all the right things to say. That the world was… something other people had. That you could feel so lonely and apart from everyone, because nobody knew the things you knew.
It had been too perfect; hearing everything she wanted to hear had made her suspicious. But Ada was right… so right. She’d wanted to believe in her, being in her arms had felt so good and the release had been… She’d seen the real her, and she hadn’t been revolted or disgusted. She’d held her and kissed her in the darkness. She’d given her a new pain to hold onto, to put with her own. It made it easier to bear; made it seem it was worth carrying on.
She heard the slamming of a car door. The woman, Jackie, had got back in the patrol car. The guy looked about, spoke something into his radio and ran to get in also. He looked over at her… the bullet had gone cleanly through, and he hadn’t even flinched at it. The shots to the torso had been the ones…
“Watch out for yourself Ma’am! Don’t stay here, it’s not safe!” he called, getting into the car.
They drove away, probably going to tackle some gang thing or something like that. She got to her feet, shivering with the cold now. The light flickered on off, on off, overhead. Light, dark, light, dark.
“Don’t worry about me, Officer” she thought to herself. “But you should listen to your partner. She knows the score. Just let them rip each other to pieces. You can’t save anyone when it comes down to it. Them or you, it’s not even a choice.”
She sobbed with anger and held her hands up to her face. The card fluttered to the ground and flipped over and away on the floor in the breeze. Crying out, she dropped to her knees and frantically chased it, flattening it on the ground and scraping it up into her hand. Manically, she wiped it clean, before collapsing back into a sitting position against the wall, crying freely.
Putting the card away carefully, she made to stand up, but couldn’t find the energy. In the distance she could hear shouts, shots; the calls of instinct and fury. Light, dark, light, dark. Why had life done this to them? Why did it have to be like this? Why did they have to know?
“I don’t care if it’s a trick, Ada” she sobbed aloud. “I need you with me: I don’t want to do this alone anymore.”
Seized with a sudden fury, she leapt up and grabbed anything that came to hand, rocks, stones, bits of trash. Again and again she threw, until with a loud smash and burst of electricity, the lamp shattered overhead. Then she was running at full speed, running home as if her life depended on it, wishing all the time that her girl would catch her and take her away from all this.
Ada watched her go, clutching at her face in agony. She screamed again, and slammed her fists against the steering wheel in miserable frustration, before breaking down into a sobbing fit. She couldn’t bear it; her girl needed her and she was doing nothing to help her.
“But I will, baby” she whispered. “You’ve got me now. I’ll always look after you.”
She snatched up her mobile phone and checked the credit and charge again. She had to be ready.
“Call me” she pleaded aloud.
Reaching into her glove box, she retrieved the photo again. Wiping her eyes, she smiled with joy to see the faces. She saw a girl she hadn’t known in years, a young happy girl with no knowledge of the horrors waiting out there. The young Ada Wong, surrounded by her family.
“It won’t be long now. My baby’s going to help me save you all. You’ll like her; she’s such a wonderful person. I feel so sad around her… but I can feel again. I’ve never been as happy as I am right now.”
She kissed the photo gently.
“We’ll save you. My Jill and me, we’re stronger than anything Umbrella can throw at us. Little Ada’s finally in love, mommy.”
She cupped her hand over her face, crying and holding the photo to her heart.
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C S Sinclair
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Alive Again.
By C S Sinclair.
Chapter Three.
'It’s okay, it’s okay; just calm down Jill', she thought to herself.' You’re home now; you’re safe'… wasn't she? She listened carefully, straining for the faintest sound… nothing. Everything was quiet in the street, which considering it was gone half four by now easily, wasn’t all that surprising.
She lent her head against the wall, happy to be back. Even though her life had spun completely off the rails in recent years, at least she still had this place. A nice bungalow in a relatively quiet area… It was amazing the things you could put up with, if you had a home to come back to. A bolt hole, somewhere to hide…
She pushed herself up from against the wall, and swung about to face the door, her blurred, distorted reflection appearing in the frosted pane. She preferred frosted glass; it meant your reflection couldn’t get at you, because no-one knew you better. She looked at it in defiance as she fiddled with the keys in the lock.
She knew what it was thinking. Its expression would be a ‘You wish she was waiting for you, don’t you? You wish this was her home as well.’ Ridiculous - they’d only met what, a few hours ago? And yet it seemed like a lifetime… She couldn't deny it; she actually did wish that Ada would come home, come home to her. Ridiculous...
She turned over again, and blinked as a moonbeam fell across her. No, not a moonbeam – it was already too late for that. It was a lamp down the street, its light bouncing and reflecting off objects in the room. She thought of getting up to close the curtains properly. She turned over instead, and cuddled the mobile phone on the pillow close to her cheek, afraid to leave it even for a second. She curled up into a ball on top of the covers, trying to wrap around it.
“Call me, baby. I want to come home, Jill.”
Home… Jill sank against the door, breathing a huge sigh of relief. She was so tired and confused; she just needed to sleep. She rubbed her eyes wearily, bent double against the door. She’d call in sick today; it was far too late now to get enough sleep to be ready for work. Besides, she needed time to think. She…
“Oh God!!”
With a miaow, her cat sprang away, hissing in surprise. Jill made a mock threatening gesture at it, laughing with relief. Only Jeanie… She got down on her knees and cooed to the frightened creature, trying to coax it back. It backed away suspiciously, before eventually approaching and pawing at her cautiously.
“Yes, it’s me. Mommy’s home, your mommy who left you with no food… aww, I’m sorry! You forgive Mommy though, don’t you? You still love her? Yeah… let’s get you something to eat, baby…”
She sat down at the table, stroking Jeanie; watching her happily eating away. For a long time, she’d been against the whole idea of pets. Just seeing animals reminded her sometimes… the simplicity, that lack of high thought, the ease with which they ripped and tore with their teeth and their claws… But then she’d become more scared of being alone, of the things she thought when she was alone… so she’d bought Jeanie.
They were both a bit jumpy at times, both found the other tolerable company at best, but they had done their best to love each other. Jill couldn’t believe she was actually feeling guilty about this. But then Jeanie looked up from her food, with such a look in her eyes. Refusing to finish her food, though she must have been starving, she jumped off the table and pelted away. It was like she knew; knew that she was no longer the thing that Jill loved the most, that she had a rival now.
“I’m sorry, Jeanie,” Jill mused to herself. “I found a new cat… such a wonderful cat.”
She dropped her fork with a clatter. It was ringing! In her haste, she knocked the plate and it fell off the table, smashing into pieces on the floor. She barely noticed…
“Hello! I’m so happy you… oh. No… I… I said no, alright! I’m not interested – I don’t care how much you’re paying! I don’t do this work anymore. Since now! Find someone else… JUST GET OFF MY PHONE!!”
She hung up frantically, and slammed the phone down angrily, throwing herself back in her chair and throwing all the cutlery from the table. She rocked backwards and forwards, checking the phone for damage. Hurriedly, she blocked all the numbers on the list… all but one, the only one she wanted to hear from.
“I didn’t accept, Jill. I’m not who you think I am” she pleaded to the phone. “I don’t want them, I never did. I only want you… why won’t you call me? Don’t leave me alone…”
Deciding she had better make sure the cat didn’t get up to any mischief, and conscious of the need for sleep, Jill paced slowly through the house. Casting about for Jeanie, she suddenly became aware that something was wrong. She hadn’t left the place like this, she was sure… Nipping back, she checked the kitchen. Someone had definitely been using things - everything was in the wrong place. How had she missed this? Maybe… no, well probably not anyway.
Hardly daring to hope, Jill nevertheless resolved to be prepared. She selected a large butcher’s knife, and crept back into the living room. She listened carefully… noth… no wait… snoring! She moved quietly along the hall to the bedroom, and put her ear to the door. Someone was in there! She readied her knife, but already it felt different in her hand…
In the darkness, it appeared more tooled, more crafted for the business of killing. It was her STAR knife again… She stiffened as in her mind a fanged maw seemed to burst from the darkness, the flash of the blade… the wet ripping of flesh, blood pouring on the floor and across her torso, the gurgling cries of the creature. And later… later…
“NO!!”
She threw the knife away, and it clattered away down the hall. She fell to the floor, breathing heavily and punching the floor in anger. It had been them or her… she’d had no choice. No choice…
And then she was in someone’s arms, embraced and enfolded by Ad…
“Marie?!” she exclaimed, jumping up and away from the young woman.
Marie looked sleepy, but surprised. She was wearing one of Jill’s gowns, loosely tied together in the middle. Her blonde hair was messed up and suggested she had been asleep for some time… in her bed. She was staring with some concern at Jill, and also at the knife on the floor.
“Jill, are you alright? Where have you been?”
Jill heart rate slowed, trying to grasp the situation. Finally, evading Marie’s attempt to embrace her again, she approached reality once more. She scooped up the knife, and without another word, retreated to the bathroom.
“Jill, what are you doing? What’s that knife for?! JILL?!”
Ignoring her cries, Jill tossed the knife aside, and ran the taps in the sink, splashing water onto her face. Okay Jill, life stuff; just deal with it and get past it. This is no problem; this is the easy kind of domestic terror…
“What are you doing here, Marie?”
Almost walking straight through Marie, Jill strode with authority into the corridor. Without waiting for a reply, she grabbed her firmly by the arm and dragged her protesting figure to the bedroom door. Marie actually smiled at this, and tried to touch Jill’s face. Jill recoiled:
“What have I told you, Marie?! You can’t keep doing this, coming here every time you and Charlotte have a fight. How did you even get in?”
Marie lent into the room and produced the spare key Jill had given her that time.
“Ah, the famous key that you insist you mailed back to me, but got lost in the post, eh? Nice of them to send it back to you, wasn’t it?”
She reached for it. Marie tried to move it away, but Jill savagery grabbed her wrist and twisted it free. Marie cried with obviously feigned pain at this.
“But Jill, you don’t understand. Chaz is…”
Jill held up a hand: “I don’t want to hear it. Get dressed now; I’ll call Charlotte and tell her to come get you.”
Marie tried to move forward again, but was repulsed by Jill.
“I don’t want to. She’s such a cow. I want to be with you again…”
Jill was already moving off to the kitchen: “We were never together, Marie. Not that you told me that…”
Jill took up the phone, and started stabbing in buttons, irritably. This was the last time; the pair of them were just… what? Looking down, she realized she had almost finished dialing Ada’s number. She took out the card and confirmed it. Why…?
Realization dawned on her… she lowered the phone and looked at the card in wonder, stroking the edges. She’d been phoning to apologise… like she was afraid Ada would arrive and catch her with another girl in her bed…
“It’s not what it looks like, baby” she whispered, unable to stop smiling.
Marie had simply been a mistake; one of the girls on the perfume counter at work. Marie hadn’t mentioned that she was still seeing Charlotte (another girl from work) when she came on to Jill. Now it was like a soap opera she couldn’t escape from… modern life at its least fulfilling. Wracked but also vaguely amused by her guilt over this odd situation, she called Charlotte, clutching the card in her hand.
The water fell over her shoulders, warm and soothing. At least Ada imagined it must be. She couldn’t feel anything. Her eyes were fixed to the phone lying on the stool nearby, trying to force it to ring with will alone.
‘Please, I have to know we’re both in this. I can’t cage you or trap you. That’s what they do. They warp everyone’s lives; make them play their little games. I want you to want me, the same way I need you. Call me, please…’
All around, the apartment was silent, save for the running water and the occasional sound of a desolated, lonely soul, her heart breaking for the thousandth time. The room did not care: the blank face of the television, the shining polished furniture, the gleaming kitchen utensils… all stood unmoved. They waited patiently for the living to make use of them. They had no use for the lonely soul; she was not for them.
They ignored her pitiful cries…
“She’s here” Jill called to the living room.
“And it was a good night for the Brits in general, with James Farraday winning Best actor for…”
Receiving no reply from anyone living, she walked in to find Marie still glued to the television, watching the Oscar results.
“Oh, I hoped he’d win! He was so great in that film!”
Jill looked at the screen and sighed. Hollywood… the ultimate fantasy dream town they said. She couldn’t help but laugh – they had absolutely no idea. The things she had seen… the T-Virus project seemed to warp people’s minds. They constructed their own little fantasy kingdoms to retreat from the world… Hollywood was pathetic by comparison.
“Come on, she’s here” she repeated.
A knock at the door confirmed this. She moved off to get it, whilst Marie continued to watch:
“And we can exclusively reveal that Mr Galverston was accompanied to the ceremony by his new partner, Miss Marion Eliza Fontaine, the glamorous head of Nuralis Cosmetics…”
Marie shouted and clapped at this news: “Oh, oh, we sell her products at the perfume counter, Jill! Oh but they make up this stuff about her being with people. I heard she was married... oh, Chaz is going to be killing herself she's missing this!”
Jill opened the door to be greeted with Charlotte’s scowling face. The senior attendant at Caltrain and King, she was considered to be an extremely desireable woman by employees of both genders. Jill had rarely gotten a chance to fairly evaluate this however - Charlotte strictly wore 'the face of the beast' when dealing with her, it seemed.
“Good morning, Char-“
“Where’s my 'Ria, Valentine?” she snapped, swishing her long hair back in anger.
Before Jill could respond, Charlotte’s face transformed into a look of joy, as Marie came rocketing past Jill into her arms, deluging her with talk of celebrities and awards. Jill stood uncomfortably, wondering if she could get away with closing the door yet. At least they seemed reconciled anyway…
“So in future, could you two do me a favour and leave me out of your little fights? I’m fed up of being dragged into the dream world you two live in. Marie can’t just…”
SMACK!!
Charlotte had slapped her hard across the face, and Jill was so dazed she just stood there dumbly.
“Why can’t you leave other people’s girlfriends alone, you slag!” she spat, before escorting Marie away, kissing her on the head, and appearing generally heedless of Marie’s part in all this.
Jill closed the door quietly, still stunned. This was what she had fought so hard to get back to, this was the life she had clung onto so fiercely. She looked up at the ceiling, speaking to whoever might be listening out there:
“You do like your little jokes, don’t you?”
Outside, she could hear Charlotte’s voice: “Why here, baby?! You know I don’t like you hanging around that Valentine bitch. Creepy whore gives me the chills…”
She slammed the keys down on the sideboard in tired anger. Yeah, a real funny joke this one…
“No. Everything’s fine. It must have been another room, they heard. I’ve been asleep, but I was up watching the TV just before. No, that’s fine. Thank you, I quite understand. Good Night. Oh yes, Good Morning in fact!”
The manager turned and left. Ada closed the door. She stepped over the broken chair, and kicked aside the pile of magazines and assorted knick knacks. Picking up the shredded curtains, she tossed them off the bed. She sat down cross legged on the bed with the phone in front of her.
She hadn’t been lying. She did feel fine now. She felt better now. Jill would ring soon. She was sure of it. She lay down next to the phone again, and smoothed her hand over it. It was getting light outside. She might go out later… after Jill rang.
Jill threw the spare pillow and sheets onto the sofa. She felt a bit silly, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that sleeping in her room today would be wrong… like she would be cheating on Ada or something. 'We’re not even going out, we met last night for a few hours, and I’m not going out with Marie either… makes no sense', Jill thought happily to herself, with a warm feeling inside.
About to fall over, she noticed her answer machine was blinking. Sighing, she lent over and tapped it, before sinking onto the sofa:
BEEP!
Good Afternoon, Miss Valentine. This is Brian Burgess from work. I’m calling to request that you come see me first thing tomorrow morning…(Jill groaned loudly, her face in the pillow), because it has come to my attention that you have called in sick 5 times in the last 3 weeks.(Jill’s groan had become a weary scream).
I must insist we meet to discuss this matter. Your conduct on this has been regrettable, but I feel you are a valuable employee, and are much loved by everyone here at Caltrain and King. (You’re not kidding, thought Jill. I’m not doing bad, dating your female employees…)
She bashed her head into the pillow, as if afraid Ada could read thoughts over long distances now. That had been then; she had had no respect for herself at that time. It’s different now Adi, she thought to herself. I swear this isn’t what it looks like… And now she had to go in today, with no sleep… she buried her head in the pillow again.
BEEP!
Good Afternoon, Miss Valentine. This is Cindy Baltus over at Starlock Securities. Further to your application: I’m afraid we simply cannot offer a position to you at this time. (A fresh groan from Jill). You should really have mentioned the note of censure you have in your record from Umbrella Incorporated. (Jill’s bitter laughter echoed through the room). Starlock owe a great deal of our business to Umbrella Inc, so we simply cannot hire someone on their black list.
I’m awfully sorry, Jill. If you still want that drink, I’m free on Friday though.
“Not even if the world was ending, and we were the only two women left” thought Jill. Now she was tired, guilty and angry. Could this get any better?
BEEP!
“Er… hello Jill.”
Jill jolted up and fell over the back of the sofa in surprise, landing on her back.That was Ada’s voice! She leapt up and made for the phone, before remembering this was the answer machine… ?
“Ah… this is so awkward. Um, we haven’t actually met yet. I’m looking over at you from the booths now. You’re drinking at the counter. I’m about to go over and say hi…”
Jill shook her head. She couldn’t believe this!
“So, if this is making any sense to you, I guess we did hit it off. I knew we would, I’ve known for months, you see. You’re probably angry that I snuck out, but I wanted to tell you that I meant everything I said to you. Er, or will say, I guess! I feel closer to you than I have to anyone, and I hope by the time you hear this, you’ll feel it too.”
Ada… you are the strangest, most remarkable… Jill just stood, mouth open, listening.
“No matter what happened or what was said, I just want you to know that I love you Jill. I watched you for months before I made my move. I saw you smashing the bins in the alley outside work, I saw you crying all alone on the train – I even offered you a hankerchief for it one time, do you remember that?”
Jill’s mouth fell open even further. That had been her?!
“Well, I’m running out of money, so I’d better go. I just wanted to give you my number again, in case you threw it away because you were angry or something.”
Jill took the card out of her pocket and looked down at it in fresh wonder, as Ada read it out.
“Okay, I’m definitely going now. Please call me. Look at me, I’m so nervous - I’m shaking all over…”
BEEP! There are no more messages.
Jill was crouching low to the phone, delighted at the fear and love in Ada’s voice. She was shaking herself, but with wild joy. She picked up the phone and dialed…
She couldn’t move. Early sunlight streamed into the room through the window, making her whole body seem to glow. She could feel the tears running slowly over her hands, where she was holding them to her mouth to contain the sobs of relief and happiness.
The phone rang in front of her, Jill’s number displayed on the screen. She grabbed it and pressed receive, and the room seemed to sing in welcome, wondering who this lively new creature in its midst could possibly be?
|
C S Sinclair
|
Alive Again.
By C S Sinclair.
Chapter Four.
There was rain in the air. A few spots had blown against Jill’s cheek, causing her to leave her blissed out state. Wakened from her daydream, she looked about with miserable recollection at the squalor of the alley. One of the grandest department stores in the city, truly beautiful inside, and it still had something like this round the side… no surprise that she considered it such an old friend now. Beauty and ugliness… the Umbrella specialty. She smiled sadly at this thought – no matter how hard she had tried, she had still been living by their rules…
In the street outside, cars blared past, as crowds of people shuffled hither and thither. Mothers with prams, businessmen on their mobiles, gangs of kids dodging school… life. And as always, she was just a few steps away, but millions of miles from their lives. The lack of sleep made it seem even more grotesque than usual, so loud and noisy, so full of trivial concern.
She’d tried; she really had tried to fit back into all this. After all, even this simple scene could hardly speak more loudly of the need to forget, to move on. After the events in Racoon City, you might have supposed the world would wake up to what Umbrella (amongst others) had done. But the world these people lived in, that they wanted to see, had no time for such monstrous fantasies.
This had been made perfectly clear when the government had leveled Racoon City. People didn’t want to know about it, to deal with anything like that. So instead of killing the cancer, they killed the patient and as a people, moved on as if nothing had ever happened. And as much as she had wanted Umbrella to pay for what they had done, she had just wanted to forget, to be part of the world again. But they knew - they always did. She was ‘other’, she was different. The slap from Charlotte was no different from the missile strike – they just didn’t want her kind.
But now, being so different and separate didn’t seem so bad. After all the pain and the misery that Umbrella had brought into her life, they’d finally given her something good… Ada. The woman she was now, the woman that Ada was now: they’d never have met without the company. Without the diabolical scheming and insane fantasizing of lunatics like Sir Spencer, Wesker, the Ashfords etc, they would have been different people. So many people had died, so much of her had been broken inside… but it was still a fair trade, she thought with defiant happiness.
“You hear that, you bastards?” she thought aloud to herself. “After all you tried to do to me, you gave her to me - and I’m not giving her back!”
Tossing aside her cigarette, she pushed up and straightened her uniform. As she did so, she became aware she was being watched – Charlotte was standing, arms folded with a look of utter hatred at the mouth of the alley.
“Break’s over, Valentine. Back inside, now!” she snarled.
Without a word, Jill took one last look around, and pushed past her into the street. Jogging lightly to distance herself from the hateful harpy behind her, she climbed the steps and swung open one of the huge front doors to the store.
The store blazed with light and sound, so vast and alive. Jill always felt so small in here, like she could go into the aisles and just lose herself from the crowd. Perhaps it wasn’t helpful in the great scheme of things, to immerse herself in such a place, but it was easier than dealing with the outside world. Overhead, the crystal chandeliers gleamed in welcome, reflecting like stars.
The powerful scents from the perfume counters assaulted her as they always did, so vivid but slightly unreal… more stuff of illusion. Marie looked up from where she was serving an older woman and waved cheerily at her. Jill nodded awkwardly, and hurried into the main store. She caught a glimpse of Charlotte following her in a mirrored surface on one of the nearby pillars, and turned to cut her off.
“Don’t start Charlotte, not again! Just leave it alone, okay?”
It was rare to meet people who were so naturally and openly hostile. Jill often supposed that it was only her inherent dismissal of Charlotte’s authority, that had kept her from dealing ‘Chaz’ an accidental, (but not entirely unwelcome) fatal injury. The hatred and irritation she felt right back at Charlotte, could easily cause her to mistake the woman for one of Umbrella’s monstrosities…
Charlotte had positioned herself to block Jill’s line of sight to Marie. Jill sighed with frustration. She was far too tired for this nonsense…
“You’ve got some nerve, Valentine! You crawl into work looking like the walking dead, but then I guess we should be grateful you showed up at all, should we?”
Jill turned and walked off along one of the aisles, not even bothering to put up the pretence of interest. Undeterred, Charlotte pursued her, whispering invectives:
“How did you do it then, hmm? Answer me, how did you do it?”
She’d caught Jill by the arm. Jill yanked it free and gave her a threatening look, which forced her back a step or two. Charlotte’s look of angry, righteous rage remained however.
“How did I do what? Look, we didn’t do anything, okay? It’s your own fault - she comes round because you’re always screaming at her and…”
Charlotte whitened with pure fury and looked as though she might try to strike Jill. At that moment however, some customers passed by the aisle, and she shrank back. ‘Lucky you, Charlotte’ thought Jill. ‘That would not have been a wise move…’
Checking the people had moved on, Charlotte snapped back around, hair flying from her face, banshee-like in her wild fever. Jill clenched her fists, trying to calm herself. ‘It’s only Charlotte, don’t do anything.’
“That’s not what I meant, you…”
Apparently unable to find a suitable word she could voice where people might hear, she contented herself with a look of deepest loathing.
“How are you even still employed here? Stays up all night screwing other people’s girls, and gives it to the boss in the morning to keep her job… you’re so dis…AHH!!”
It took Jill a moment to realize what had happened. She’d just sent the neurological command from her brain to her hands, ordering them to grab Charlotte and break her miserable neck, when she’d toppled forwards to the floor…
“Ada!” she exclaimed in surprise.
And there she was, looking radiant in a white dress, looking like she had just stopped off in the real world, not really part of all this at all. Her mousey black hair seeming to crackle with electric anger, she was looking down with venom at Charlotte’s blustering figure, and Jill couldn’t help but feel a little apprehensive. What was she going to do…?
“Oh, I’m so sorry! I… oh dear!”
She had opened a bottle of perfume she had been carrying and tipped it deliberately over Charlotte, causing the latter to howl in appalled outrage. Jill breathed a sigh of relief – her girl was mad, but not dangerous… today.
“Adi… maybe you should…”
But Ada had bent down to help Charlotte up. She gripped her round the waist and dug the nails of her other hand hard into one of Charlotte’s, causing her victim to call out feebly in pain.
“There. No harm done, right? Right?” she hissed at the terrified attendant.
Charlotte looked pleadingly from Ada to Jill, trying to free her hand and pull away. Jill gave her a ‘yeah, I’m really going to help you out’ look, although she did feel a little guilty. Finally, Charlotte nodded with beaten anger and fear, and Ada released her. Gently smoothing Charlotte’s clothes and patting off dust, she was all smiles again. Jill was aware she was probably buying into all those goddess worship clichés you saw in cheap novels and movies, but still… her girl had been something else!
She moved over to her side, to watch as Charlotte scurried away, bumping into customers and staff without apology. Ada slid up to her, leaning into her as they watched. Suddenly, she didn’t feel quite so tired… She turned to Ada, inclining her head with a look of mock admonition. Ada flashed a sheepish grin, and shrugged.
“Well, even security guards need protection, sometimes. And anyway, nobody speaks to my girl like that! She was obviously lying anyway... Your boss... isn't a girl right?”
Jill grinned at her girl’s cheek and seized with a joyous energy, lifted her up into the air, swinging her around into the aisle, dancing round in a slow circle, before ending in a long and passionate embrace. The store became a ballroom, the sound of the customers fading into the happy laughter of dancers. Her black shirt and trousers seemed transformed into a tailored suit, and Ada’s dress seemed to flow like a gown, silky and enveloping…
“But what are you doing here?” she managed at last, running her hand across Ada’s cheek. “We’re supposed to be meeting up this evening, aren’t we?”
Ada nodded, nuzzling her hand: “I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d come see you. Lucky I did too. Who did that woman think she was, anyway?”
Jill smiled, standing back as some people passed, before taking her girl’s hands again: “She’s kind of my boss. Luckily, my actual boss is a pretty decent guy... and how cheap do you think I am, anyway?” she finished laughing, cuffing Ada at her feigned look of jealousy.
She ringed her arms around Ada’s waist: “I know what Charlotte means in a way though. Sometimes I forget that not all people are bastards that want to take advantage of you. I’m glad you’re here though, and she did have it coming - you were amazing!”
They stood a moment in quiet adoration, before Jill turned away quickly, stifling a yawn, at which they both collapsed into hysterics.
“Well that’s just what a girl likes to see from her partner” laughed Ada. “Utter boredom at her company!”
Jill shook her head apologetically in amused embarrassment: “I’m sorry; I haven’t slept since we…” She pulled Ada to her, moving to follow Ada’s face as she looked away in affected outrage, soon finding the smile she was after.
“This evening is going to be something, isn’t it?” Ada mused, kissing Jill’s hand. “We’re both so tired, we can barely stand!”
Jill thought a moment, then with a quick movement, swept Ada up, cradling her in her arms.
“Miss Wong, you are speaking to a woman who went for days with no sleep and little food. You have no idea of the sheer stamina I possess. I think a demonstration will be in order tonight!” she declared in a matter-of-fact voice.
She focused on her girl’s face as she said this, conscious that she was actually evoking the old demons. But all she could see was her Ada, feel her soft, comforting weight in her arms. She just wanted to hold her here forever…
“What’s wrong?” she asked with sudden concern. Ada’s eyes had filled with tears and she was struggling and twisting to be put down, in which Jill reluctantly obliged her.
Ada paced away, pulling away from Jill’s tender and enquiring caresses. She looked deeply troubled suddenly, and was wringing her hands and wiping at her face. Jill felt magnetically attracted to her, wanting nothing less than to wrap around her and protect her.
“Adi? What’s the matter?” she asked, unsure how much distance she should or even could keep.
Ada looked up at her, and reached out a hand, which Jill grasped in both of hers. She couldn’t remember the last time she had ever felt this kind of fear, if she ever had.
“Jill… I… I want to come to your house this evening. To be with you… more than anything I mean.”
She looked petrified; her hand was gripping Jill’s so tightly, but she kept shying away when Jill tried to get close to her.
“Tell me what’s wrong, baby. You’re scaring me,” pleaded Jill.
Ada flew to her at this, kissing her over her face. Jill was so stunned she staggered backwards and collapsed sitting onto a footstool for support. Ada stood over her, looking down with such love and misery, stroking her hair.
“I… didn’t come straight here today” she managed, breaking away and backing up a few steps. She was looking away in shame. Jill felt a cold twisting inside.
“I went to your house… I went after you left for work this morning. I was going…”
“You were to going to break in and look for the stuff on Chris” finished Jill heavily, sinking her elbows onto her knees. Why… what was she supposed to think about this?
“Why are you telling me this, Adi? Why…”
Ada had sunk to her knees and reached out for Jill, but pulled away in shame: “I’m so sorry!” she sobbed. “I was just scared that I was hurting you! I wanted to show you…”
Jill looked up in confusion.
“It wasn’t supposed to be this way” explained Ada. somewhat hysterically. “I wanted to have the information by now, so you’d know I wasn’t hanging around you for it – so you’d know it’s you that I want, not the stupid files!”
Jill thought she was getting it now. It was mixed up thinking, but her girl had actually been doing this for her. She felt her love for Ada flooding through her - she felt like she could take off at any minute.
“I just kept thinking how hurt and confused you looked… because of me. I wanted it out of the way. I didn’t want you thinking you had to keep an eye on me, in case I was playing you, in case I went sneaking around looking for information all the time...” Ada continued in a voice that suggested she was scared, but relieved to get it all off her chest.
Jill shook her head and reached out a hand to run along Ada’s cheek. Her girl was... well this was a relationship which was plainly going to drive her crazy. But that was okay, it was a wonderful feeling.
“So to stop me thinking that, you went sneaking around looking for information?” laughed Jill with incredulous relief. “I’ve never known anyone like you, Adi.”
She lifted Ada’s face up, and stroked her face lovingly: “Did you get what you needed? It’s okay, you know; I trust you.”
Ada closed her eyes in pained relief, holding Jill’s hand to her cheek.
“No” she whispered in a devastated and awe-striken voice. “No, I couldn’t do it… I just couldn’t do it.”
Jill’s mouth fell open in surprise, lost for words. Seeing Ada looking so distraught was killing her – but that she could deal with. She bent down and gathered her up, lifting her carefully to sit in her lap. She put her arms round her, and nuzzled her hair. Neither of them cared remotely at this point if anyone saw them.
“You didn’t go in, baby?” she finally managed, fresh wonder in her voice.
“I couldn’t” sniffed Ada miserably. “I screwed myself up, told myself I was doing it for us, that I wasn’t even going to give the information out anyway… and I wasn’t, I promise” she added looking up, tears flowing freely.
“Shh, I know, I know” soothed Jill rocking her gently. “So why didn’t you? I’d have understood.”
“I couldn’t get over the threshold. I picked the lock, but I just couldn’t make myself go in. I kept thinking how disappointed you’d be. I couldn’t stop feeling so disgusted with myself for breaking into your house…”
Ada’s voice was cracking badly now, and she was clutching tightly to Jill. It was quite uncomfortable, but Jill wasn’t the least concerned with her own pain.
“It’s been my life, Jill. Lies and deceit, that’s what I had to do all day, every day. False name, false life, everything false. I had to stop caring, to be able to do that.”
She looked up at Jill: “But I can’t do that with you – it hurts too much. I felt kind of the same around Leon. Do you know him?”
Jill thought a moment: “Leon… Kennedy? Claire mentioned him, I think. Why, what’s he got to do with anything?”
Jill was aware she had sounded rather jealous there. The knowledge that she wasn’t the first to make Ada feel guilty over her various misdeeds was unwelcome news, however. Ada seemed to understand, and leaned up to kiss her.
“It wasn’t like that, not like us. He was just a good man, a good person. It didn’t feel right what I had to do, lying to him. It made it hard. But with you it’s… I mean I still did deceive Leon, but it hurt. With you, I can’t do it at all… because I love you” she finished simply, as if she was in utter awe of the words.
Jill hugged her and mused: “Well I didn’t think it was because you thought I’m a really, really good person!” She soothed Ada, who seemed to think she had hurt Jill’s feelings: “Shh! I don’t have any illusions about that. I don’t consider myself a particularly good person… too much has happened. We’re just damaged goods, you and me!” she finished with a cheerful squeeze.
Ada nodded in agreement. Neither was exactly happy with that truism, but it made them feel so very close to each other. Ada took a few minutes to pluck up the courage to finish her story:
“So anyway, I just froze there on the doorstep. Eventually, I gave up; I took a key on the sideboard just inside the door, locked it up again and came here. I was just so guilty… I don’t deserve you, but..." (She looked up in earnest) "I'm sorry; please don’t... I won't do it again" she finished burying her head in Jill’s chest, clutching at her.
Jill knew she’d never tire of her girl’s strange way of thinking: “Why would I leave you, especially over this? I told you I trust you and I meant it; I know you were only doing it for us – even if I do find it hard to follow your reasoning at times!” (She kissed Ada affectionately to show it was a compliment). “Anyway, I can’t leave you – we aren’t even seeing each other yet, really! We’ve skipped quite enough stages as it is, don’t you think?”
Ada shuffled and resettled in her lap, appearing to calm down considerably at this: “Well… it just means we’re better at this than other people. We didn’t need all that time – we just knew. I mean… it doesn’t mean we love each other less, right?
Jill had barely confirmed this, when sounds of approaching customers roused the two.
“Come on, you!” she told Ada, “Time for me to get back to work, and time for you to go home and get some rest for tonight! Of course it’s still on!”
Saying this, she stood the protesting Ada up, pulled her into an embrace and kissed her quickly on the forehead and lips. Then, smiling with delight at her girl’s look of bewildered happiness, she motioned for her to get going. Ada was still pawing at her uncertainly but was starting to move, mouthing silent words of bliss and relief.
Jill adopted a stern look and pointed firmly at the end of the aisle, a grin clawing at the edges of her mouth. She took Ada by the arm and escorted her politely. Her girl seemed to be in much better spirits now.
“Well, okay. But if I see that woman hassling you again, I’ll… JILL LOOK OUT!!”
Jill saw a blur of movement and felt that familiar jolt as adrenalin kicked in. A gun, a figure flailing at her, mouth open, Ada… have to save Ada…
“What’s going on here?! What happened?!”
People started to crowd round, squeezing in to get a good look. The man lay on the floor, coughing and spitting out vomit. A woman - presumably his wife - was helping him with his inhaler, sqwarking in panic, and thanking her. Jill took her hand off the man’s back, where she had pushed him to the ground. She ran her other hand over her face… she was shaking.
Looking up, she saw Ada who was also trembling visibly, looking at her in terror and reaching out her hand. She took it and pulled herself up, collecting the gun off the floor as she did so.
“Okay, back up everyone. Show’s over; give these people some privacy now. Nothing to see – the gentleman just took a bit of fall, that’s all.”
Without waiting to see if they dispersed, she allowed Ada to lead her away. They stopped a few aisles over and hugged each other with relief.
“Jill… I thought… I thought….”
“It’s okay - I thought it was, too.”
They clung to each other, unable to think of anything but how scared they had been, and how relieved they were that the other was alright. Gradually the scene returned to Jill, piece by piece.
Coming around the corner, he’d started to choke and flailed out his arms. Ada had reached into her purse at her side and pulled out a gun. Jill had seen what she had thought was one of them, a gun, Ada in danger. Grabbing the gun, she'd forced Ada behind her, and thankfully by that time, she’d realized it wasn’t one of them after all.
“I would have… I would have shot him…” mumbled Ada.
“It’s okay” Jill stated softly. “Nothing happened. But this is why I never wear a gun anymore, Adi” she soothed, stroking her girl’s hair. Calming her girl down was making her feel much better too. Ada was trying to do the same, but she seemed much more upset about something.
“You don’t understand Jill. I never get like this, ever. I learned to switch off, so I wouldn’t… I never mistook…not once. But when I thought you might be attacked - I would have shot him dead right there.”
She was smoothing her hands over Jill’s shoulders and arms, as if seeing for the first time that her lover had a real body that could be hurt and killed. She looked horrified, like she wanted to lock both of them away for safekeeping right away.
“But nothing did happen, okay? You just cared…hey!” She lifted Ada’s face up. “And I’ve very, very grateful.”
Ada nodded and hung around her neck, squeezing so hard, Jill thought she might merge with her.
“That man should count himself lucky, anyway. If it’d just been me, he’d be dead now, most likely. If I hadn’t been thinking of protecting you, I probably would have snapped his neck or something. So you actually saved his life when you think about it…”
When they eventually calmed down, they realized they had to say goodbye for now. Jill was needed to report on the incident, and couldn’t risk any further slacking on the job. So with reluctance, Jill saw her off, wishing she could go with her.
Watching her go, she turned the events of the last day or so over in her mind. She thought of how strange it all was, but how right it seemed. She thought of the horrors, of the world she swore she’d never go back to. Ada was from that world; being with her would probably put the lid on her failed reintegration into society…
She thought of the terror she had felt when she thought Ada was in danger… of the misery she had felt when she had been parted that first time. Watching Ada leave now, she felt ice cold, like she couldn’t breathe. The lamp that blinked on and off overhead, the people who went to sleep in Racoon city not knowing what awful fate would strike before the morning and of the missiles that had ended even that last fantasy…
“WAIT!! ADA!! ADI, WAIT THERE!!”
Ada turned with a look of surprise, half out the front door. Jill raced through the store, ducking customers and leaping over stacks of goods. She broke through the perfumed haze at the front, grinning at Marie who was whooping and clapping. Practically colliding into Ada, the two of them stumbled, giggling out on the steps outside. The wind was blowing and a light rain was coming down.
“What’s the matter? What are you so happy about?” Ada called over the wind, a sympathetic smile spread over her face.
“I don’t want you to leave!” Jill explained breathlessly.
“But… you have to work. I’m coming by later. I can’t wait either, but…” Ada looked confused but delighted.
“No… I mean I don’t want to leave… ever. I want to come over tonight and stay, stay for good I mean!”
Ada’s mouth dropped open in surprise – happy surprise, Jill hoped.
“Do you want to?” she asked, heart in her mouth. It really made no sense, but…
Ada looked momentarily stunned but soon recovered: “Well…yes, of course I do! I never made any secret about that, did I? And here’s you charging out here like it was all your idea! But what changed your mind? I thought you were still confused by all this?”
She’d moved to hold Jill round the waist. Both of them were so energized, Jill wondered if her hair was standing on end…
“Well, our situation is a bit odd isn’t it?” Jill retorted. “I think I’m doing rather well under the circumstances! I don’t think it’s a trick, and I do think it’s the right thing for both of us. What more can I say? If I believe any of it, I might as well believe all of it - and I want to believe it.”
Ada lunged at her and they swung about, embracing and kissing deeply: “I seem to recall saying that, and having someone mock me” laughed Ada joyfully. “ I hope an apology is in here somewhere!”
Well, that's all for now. There's a lot more, but adapting this to the forum is awkward work. All the words in Bold and Italic revert for example! Anyway, let us know what you think.
C S.
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