Polyamory. Why are people offended by it?

Light.Shard · Polyamory. Why are people offended by it?

]Unlike most people, I can't stick to just one relationship. This is why it is VERY hard for me to find a girlfriend, as I'd rather be in a multiple-person relationship and almost every other lesbian I met is monogamous.

I'm told that my preference says that I have no respect or trust for other women, but that isn't the case, as I'd rather EVERYONE know about each other and stay on a friendly basis, but are there any other people like me? If so, why are they so hard to find. I know other ones can't be too rare. Hell, there's a wikipedia article on polyamory.

Could anyone just tell me their thoughts,and please, don't bite my head off if you don't like it. Just as many people say, ,"I don't know how you could do that," about my lifestyle, I don't know how anyone could just focus on one person so steadily.

If anyone would like to discuss this with me, I've got more than enough time. Not to mention, since other poly girls are so hard to find, I'm basically single except for a long-distance relationship with a girl who I'd consider "just curious".

Vickie

Actually, I understand you. I don't think monogamy is necessarily the only way to relationships. I don't think it's "right" or "wrong" -- it's only "wrong" if you originally agreed to a monogamous relationship; but it's not "right" for me personally. I can imagine myself feeling jealous in that relationship eventually.

(P.S. Your font colour of choice is slightly hard to read, though. xD; )

Light.Shard

Oh! I'm sorry! =D I suppose jealousy has never been an issue for me, and I more often suffer from loneliness than anything else. It at very least seems like you understand my point of view. =D I'll start using a different color. I'm so silly. ~.~;;

Tenko Kitsune

Nah. It's not wrong. Wouldn't work for me, but that's the way you are.

Biggest problem, I suppose, is that our western society has social-historical-religious bases that say monogamy is right and everything else is dirty. That's why it'll be considerably harder for you to find a relationship.

acro_circus

Nah, I don't think there's anything wrong with it, like Vickie said before it depends how you set up the relationship with the other person beforehand.

I've never really been the jealous type, but I've never been in a polyamorous relationship either so who knows xD

funiai

Well B, you pretty much know how I feel about the whole thing. I'm the same as you are, ayup.

As another polyamorous person, I suppose I can offer a point of view to make your position less of the 'outside looking in' variety.

To be monogamous, to me, is to be trapped. It's a restraint; To tell something that is infinite to attach itself in a way that is infinitesimal -- How can something as expansive as love harness itself only to one object? All classical romanticism aside, we have enough possessiveness and jealousy, greed and drama and hatred. What we don't have enough of are things like love; It's almost a foreign concept to most people to feel joy at the sight of someone you love -in- love unless you yourself are the center of that attention. That being said, I find monogamous relationships selfish, almost petty little things. 'You'd better not see anyone else or we're through!', that sort of thing to me is like a little child having a tantrum over not being the focus of everyone in the room. To be without the feeling of compersion is just as foreign to me as to experience it is to the more typical heart.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the terminology, compersion is (roughly) the feeling of joy experienced by a polyamorous person in seeing their partner/s being enriched by love, being in love with someone else or something else that makes them truly happy. Instead of feeling like 'You're CHEATING ON ME! or 'It's THEM or ME!'', I myself at least feel something more like being overwhelmed with gladness for them, to see them have and hold such a marvelous thing for themselves, to grow as a person and to enjoy the warmth and the radiance that the emotion of love brings.

Thus, no, of course it isn't 'wrong', B-chan. The concept of right and wrong itself often finds itself victim to being narrow, judgmental, ignorant and worst of all considering all those other factors, entirely individual and perceptual. The basic animal desire to exert dominance and control over other things is the root from which our constructions of morality come from in most cases, no matter what those morals happen to be, the fact remains that to say -anything- is inherently 'wrong' is a poor assumption. So long as it pleases one and doesn't harm another, however, it is at very least amiable from that perspective.

Personally though, no, of course I don't find it wrong. It is who and what I am. There are positive and negative reasons and ways to do absolutely everything, but knowing you so closely, I think your heart is in a good place -- Mostly. You pervert. xD

Sora

I don't think it's wrong or right, especially if all parties are aware and in agreement in a relationship.

Though I must admit I Wouldn't be able to do it myself because... I am a jealous type ^^; and I know I would not like to share my partner lol.

Frances

Interesting topic

Ummm, I havent been in love (well, i should say I havent been in a reciprocal loving relationship). So, its hard for me to say whether or not I would agree to be in a polywatchacallit relationship if I was in love with someone. I think i would get jealous, and yes that may be selfish, but meh I'm all open to being selfish Razz

However, I have dated more than one person at a time, I think my max was four at one stage. Nothing was serious and it was all just a bit of fun. I've always been open about it, I dont like hiding things from partners.

I'd like to think those were my growing up days though (specially since most of it was spent messing around with boys *yuck - washes out mouth* lol). I'm totally open to a one-person relationship right now, in fact, I dont think I'd want it any other way.

Just my bit Smile

Light.Shard

Ugh. I still remember boys. My original thought was, "There's no way I'm gay, maybe it's just my hormones." I found that was all wrong when instead of eying the boys, I was ogling the women with them. =P Of course I never said anything because I was really shy about it at that time (Age range 12-15) but I decided to come out, which made me feel much better. I couldn't just hide that forever, or I'd go nuts.

As for being in love, yes, it's happened, but it usually just ended up getting me into all kinds of weird situations where people were screaming, "DON"T DO IT! YOU DON"T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO!" So yeah, I fell in love with the wrong people and got so depressed after being thrown back I went goth for a while. (I'm done with that, thank you.)

Oh, but back on subject, I'm glad you're not all offended by my "evil ways". I remember someone I knew decided I was a bad person because I couldn't just have a "one and only", but she wasn't really a good friend to me anyway. I think the main reason I can't be monogamous is due to its Christian basis.

I'm too much of a heathen for that. =D

FullMetalRissa

I don't think it wrong. I've been in a relationship with multiple people. I kinda liked it. XD

Light.Shard

I think you're one of the few I've heard of like that. ~.~;; I thought me and my roomie were the only ones, but I guess not. That makes me feel just a little bit better.

TLC DEMON

i dont get jelouse or anything. i walked in on my ex having sex with another chik, sure i was kinda angry that she was lieing to me about it. but i wasnt jelouse. i just think that people who are in love are spossed to be together for the rest of there lives.

also i couldnt imagine having sex with someone who isnt the person im in love with. i always thought that having multiple relationships at once was kinda selfish, its like only pleasing you and not caring about the others feelings. like those bisexual chiks who date a man and a woman at once dont think its cheating if both people know. i guess it might be cause im only in highschool but that is what i think.

Joan

I do think it can work. Some friends of mine were in a f/f/m relationship for quite a long time. They were really happy and nobody involved was jealous.

I can undertand that it's hard to find people who feel the same, though.
As for me, if I feel that I am loved and wanted, I usually don't get jealous.

dmc3mary-is-hot

i don't think it's wrong cause people should do what they want but i prefer to be with just one person

chera

I've been withe my girl for three years and we would never have lasted this long if we were monogamous. I was in a non monogamous relationship before her, and she was in a three-way relationship before me. It's hard to find girls that are not weirded out by the situation around here, though.

dusty

I'm in a relationship with a man. He treats me good and all, but I want a girl so much more. I love my man and I don't want to break up with him, but I feel I'm missing something if I don't have a girl. So in short I want to try being with 2 people. He said he doesn't mind and I don't mind sharing. As far as spending the rest of my life with someone... If this relationship with him doesn't work out I will probably go all lesbian instead of just bi-sexual.

Five

I can understand why people don't like it, in a way, but I'm not one of those people.

I've never actually had multiple girlfriends, but I wouldn't be averse to it. I also wouldn't be offended if my girlfriend was dating other people, as long as it all came up BEFORE we started dating.

Babycha · Affairs with a fancy name.

if you really love somebody it seems like it'd be hard to start another "relationship" with someone else. This just sounds like sleeping around. If you want to do that, that's fine, but I see a lot of sugar coating going on here.

nekotine

i don't think it's wrong, so long as EVERYONE involved, directly or not, emotionally or physically is FULLY AWARE of what's going on. polygamy really relies on TRUST, probably more so than in a monogamous one, and if someone is keeping secrets, then it's just going to bring a BIG BOMB OF DRAMA(tm).

personally, poly isn't for me but i do have quite a few friends that live that kind of lifestyle and it works for them. well, most of them. there has been a spurt of drama here and there but mostly by the few that i kinda figured wouldn't be able to handle the full honesty part. anyways, my two best friends are poly and they happened to be married to one another (guy and gal) but both have people they're in a poly relationship with. hell, they invited me but as i said, it's just not for me. i'd get jealous pretty quick in all likelyhood. n.n;

so yeah, my policy on poly is 1) don't try to push me into it and 2) if you're going to do it, BE HONEST WITH ALL OF YOUR PARTNERS AND ME SO YOU DON'T KICK THE DRAMA LLAMA INTO HYPERDRIVE. doing that is a great way for me to kick you and your supposed friendship to me to the curb, and i have no regrets looking back. i've dealt with too many people claiming to be 'poly' but really, the just want to play and fuck around with as many people as possible and it's NEVER ended well.

be honest, be sincere or begone.

yuna

Been there, done that. Worked perfectly for 4 months. Then it sucked for another 3. It ended when two of us moved to different cities. I would elaborate, but I don't even know where to begin. If monogamy is complicated as is, don't even get me started on having a three-way relationship.

Lesson learnt: It works great on paper. It doesn't work for me. Sooner or later it ends up in massive drama and someone gets hurt.

Rynnbow

Sugar Rune

I never knew what this was called, but I have a few GFs right now and I love it Wink

Polyamory. Why are people offended by it?

Affairs with a fancy name.